Vulnerability // Let's Grow a Pair
Ive been thinking a lot about vulnerability lately. How it can propel us forward, how it can show the person we love our true selves, the rawness of our hearts, the honesty we've been hiding out of fear. It can bring us everything we've always wanted if we just let it. Why are we so afraid to let go?
When you're dating and meeting different kinds of people it's interesting what you learn. What has stuck out to me the most is how AFRAID people are to let you in at the risk of getting hurt. They keep their distance, they show just enough affection to keep you close, but not too close. They share their secrets with you, but don't include you in future plans (because, you know, just in case). They want to see you all the time, but don't express how they really feel about you. I mean, the sky might cave in on us and then what would we do?
Subsequently, you begin to build walls brick by brick, covering up your excitement. That excitement quickly turns into anxiety and inevitably, you are in this constant state of panic. You're suddenly confused all the time, questioning if it's your fault. You begin to hesitate holding their hand for fear you might scare them away. You look at them adoringly, but would NEVER tell them what you really think (because naturally, they will run for the hills). Before you know it you're the one who's terrified of letting anyone in. It's good times all around.
I used to be the kind of person who wore her heart on her sleeve. I used to be raw with emotion and trusted myself. I never used to hesitate telling someone I loved them or that I felt disrespected or that I needed more from them. I never feared putting myself out there.
I've got to be honest. I liked myself better when I was a bleeding heart kind of person. I wasn't worried about getting hurt. I knew if that happened at least it was real. At least I tried something. At least I was true to myself. Somewhere along the way that changed. I started building those walls.
I want to find the younger Liz again. I want us all to be the kind of people who are honest about love and consequences be damned. I want us to shed the "what ifs." I want us to stop hesitating and just grow a pair. What if we just gave in? What if we just let ourselves fall? What if we embraced what is right in front of us? What if we were fearless in love?
WHAT IF WE WERE VULNERABLE?