On Monday I wrote an email to all our wedding guests. The subject line read, “This is not our year.” The email announced that Zach and I had made the hard decision to move our wedding (for the second time) to next year. We had been sitting on that decision for weeks and I had come to accept this new reality, but I knew that once I sent that email it would be real. It would be official. I clicked send, walked downstairs and cried on Zach’s shoulder. He told me it was all going to be ok and held me. I’m so grateful for such a loving man, but for some reason I couldn’t shake my tears. I realized that even though everything will be ok eventually, it’s not right now. I’m so incredibly sad for this loss and for everyone else out there who is engaged. Before you roll your eyes and think this is the most trivial thing and that there are more important things out there to worry about, trust me when I say, I know that. However, it’s also ok to feel sad about this and it’s important to grieve so I’m sad and I’m grieving.
Zach and I have such specific taste and know exactly what we like so planning our wedding, albeit stressful af, had been such a joy up until this point. We came up with little surprises for our guests, we found the perfect dress, the perfect tux and planned our wedding around a backyard dinner party concept. We worked with our caterer to curate a menu to exactly the kind of food we love and would want to cook for our friends and family ourselves. We couldn’t wait to shower our loved ones with appreciation for seeing us through our lives up until now. That’s gone for now though and we are going to have to reimagine what this year will be for ourselves. We’re staying strong though, keeping each other positive and taking control of what we can control. A new future that means the same, but looks a little different. We will be having a civil ceremony at some point soon, saying our vows to each other as planned and enjoying a fancy night at home for two. I have to say, we’re very excited about that and I have some creative ways how I’ll be documenting this so stay tuned for that :)
I am writing this because I want to tell all you couples out there who have been imagining your wedding day for so many years, for those couples who, like me, didn’t even know you wanted a wedding and then it was all happening and you realized how much you wanted it, that it WILL happen one day. I completely empathize with you and how hard this time is not only emotionally, but financially. The money you have invested is floating around with different vendors and you just don’t know what you’ll be able to salvage. Thankfully, most vendors in the industry have been incredible thus far, but I know some haven’t and that is a travesty. It’s going to be ok though and eventually we will all figure this out and have the day we imagined.
If there is anything Zach and I have learned over the past few months, it’s this:
// Even through a global pandemic, we can hold each other up as a couple.
// Allow yourself to grieve the plans you had and the happiness that went with it.
// It’s ok to not give everyone around you updates until you’re ready.
// It’s ok to stay quiet together until you’re ready to face the world again.
// It’s ok that this might cause a strain in your relationship for a bit. You’re both just trying to figure out how you feel and what to do in an incredibly frustrating time so give yourselves some grace and hold each other no matter how angry you are.
// Create new dreams. Create new excitement for yourselves. Surrender to the fact that you can’t plan anything right now because COVID doesn’t care what you want or what you were looking forward to. We can only work with what we’ve got and what we’ve got is our partner.
Can you pick a new date? Yes. Does that guarantee you’ll have your wedding that day? No. All you can do is pick a new date, make the necessary arrangements and then take a deep breath. Gently put those plans in a box and start creating new things for yourselves. When it’s safe, when it’s realistic, when it’s time, you can open that box and plan the shit out of your dream wedding again. For now, realize life is still going on, you’re still here, you’re still healthy (hopefully), you can move forward with so much love and the fact that you’ve already done the hard part. You found each other. That in itself is so beautiful. The biggest lesson here is that you are ALREADY living your new future. You’re living your life together and in this side by side no matter what.
I hope you take this to heart and revel in its truths. It has helped me immensely the past few weeks and I just wanted to pass that peace along to you. Zach and I are wishing you all the happiness, patience and love for the coming year because we’re all going to need it.
All my love,
Liz
Ps Thank you to Jen Sosa for these beautiful photos from our engagement session this past December. We cherish these so much and look back on them often. We love you!
