I’ve always been in love with love. My friends and family find it to be my most endearing quality and probably my most annoying quality. Haha, I’m ok with that. It’s who I am and I’m proud to be such a lover. Don’t get it twisted though. I may be a romantic, but I’m realistic too. I guess that’s what this post is all about. Running towards love, but staying realistic and knowing the difference.
Life is weird. You grow up thinking that when the time is right you will meet that special person with little to no effort. You think you’ll just be buying your morning coffee one day and you’ll drop a quarter on the ground and as you bend down to pick it up, there he (or she) is helping you pick up that quarter. You’ll look into each other’s eyes and feel “the spark” and suddenly all your plans for the day are cancelled. You’ll end up sitting down to sip your coffees and get to know each other and at the end of the day he’ll walk you home and kiss you good night. Fast forward 5 years later, you’re blissfully married living the American dream.
You know what that is? That's some bullshit.
I mean, who made up this story??? Where does this come from???? It’s ridiculous and that’s saying a lot coming from a hopeless romantic. I was walking home one day and was thinking about this whole concept and how exhausting dating can be. It dawned on me that maybe that’s why it’s so exhausting. Maybe we are just so conditioned to think that everything needs to be exciting and adventurous and sexy and new for it to be good. Again I ask, who decided this??? Where does this idea come from?? That isn’t real life and to be honest, I find that whole concept boring.
// Yes, I want passion.
// Yes, I want the kind of love that I can’t get enough of and yes I want adventure.
// But I want love to evolve too.
I think that’s what society has forgotten to mention and I feel like it’s time we wake up and talk about it. We need to stop thinking that it’s a negative thing the minute a relationship slows down a bit because you know what? That’s when things get really good if we would just let it.
I was telling a friend the other day how grateful I am for these past four years of single hood. I’ve learned a thing or two; things I would have never learned if I would have stayed in my last serious relationship. I’ve met such beautiful, smart, creative, gentle, caring guys, but there is always something holding them back. Women are no acceptation. They are equally held back by moving forward with someone. I know there are a lot of reasons why people stay guarded and stunted in fear. I’ve had my share of putting up walls, but I want to break free of that.
I want us to let go. I want us to let someone into our hearts so deeply it hurts. I want us to look forward to the adventure that happens after the honeymoon stage. I want things like simply waking up next to someone every day, sitting in silence together, doing laundry together and knowing each other so well it’s almost annoying, to be good things.
I want us to run towards the beautiful mundane in relationships and steer clear of the fear that prevents us from even getting there. Let’s give ourselves the chance to experience how beautiful that can be rather than thinking it will be a time to feel trapped, bored and time to move on.
Quite frankly, I find it exhausting holding back all the time. I rather get my heart broken again and again than run away from possibilities. A friend once asked me how I do it. How do I keep going after one heartbreak after another. I told her because it’s always worth it and that’s just the truth. I preach a lot about being fearless, but what is fearlessness anyway? It’s having the ability to fight through the fear. It’s about being smarter than your fear and not staying stagnant because it’s just easier that way. Getting what you want out of life isn’t just having a positive attitude. It’s about doing something with that positivity.
// What if things do work out?
// What if you gave this relationship a chance instead of running away from it because you want to be “free.”
// What if you accepted the fact that when you’re with the right person, you never feel trapped? You only feel a new sense of freedom. So yeah, please believe I’m going to go on that first date.
Pain is something we shy away from because who the hell wants to be in pain anyway? I understand, but I challenge this notion because what the hell are we doing then? Yes, we can just go in and out of casual flings/relationships never getting hurt, but again, I find this to be so boring. You want exciting? You want an adventure? You want newness? Let go. Let someone in and dive into the unknown. Yes, you run the risk of things being amazing one minute and the next you realize this person isn’t for you or worse yet, they realize that about you and you’re left destroyed for months (been there so many times). But you know what? It's always worth it because the alternative means never trying and what a waste that would be.
Let's look forward to the quiet, simple moments in life just as much as the loud and bold times. Let’s be strong and brave together.